More News I Don’t Understand: Failure of Copenhagen Emissions Agreement Disappoints Europeans

Come on Google News, explain what the hell you are talking about here.
Here are a list of words I don’t understand from that title alone:
Copenhagen, Emissions, Europeans, Agreement, Failure, Of

The only part of this news that I understood was the spaces between the words. So, here’s what I gathered from this news:
NOTHING

BLACK HOLE OF FUCKING NEWS OVER HERE. GOD DAMN IT.

Loves Me Some Extinction

Something about the idea of things ceasing to exist after once existing. It’s a fun thing to think about.
Remember Dinosaurs? I don’t. They don’t either. They don’t exist anymore.

EX-FUCKIN-TINCTION BITCHES.

Walkin in a winter wonderland!

I swear to god, I will shoot snow in the face. Don’t make me do it.

DON’T MAKE ME DO IT. I SWEAR. I WILL DO IT.

URRRRHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

The missing gene linked to childhood obesity found

According to this blog post, they say that the missing gene linked to childhood obesity was found. At least that’s what the title says. I don’t actually quite know what that means, and I certainly didn’t read the article.

Why didn’t I read the article, you ask? I have 2 reasons, which I’ll list below.

1. I don’t read anything
2. It was long
3. It seemed kind of boring
4. I got distracted by everything else around me, including walls
5. I know the missing link.. so what’s the point of reading the article?

So what’s the missing link? This:

I found Carmen Sandiego

You know, after all this time, how the hell did everyone miss this one? Seriously.

Hey Technorati

HERE’S MY BLOG CLAIM CODE. LOL Let’s make sure EVERYONE sees it!

HENA8TWAF45D

Tiger Woods? More like Tiger Wouldsn’t

What did he do? More like what didn’t he do? Am I right? I am honestly asking. No one will tell me what’s going on.

My Time Machine Works

The economy went to shit so I made a time machine and came to the future. Turns out shit still sucks. Anyone wanna buy a time machine?

Also, I forgot to leave food out for the hooker in my basement and she died.

I’m Gonna Party Like It’s 2009

Yayyyyyyyyy. It’s 2009. I just found out.

*insert picture of confetti*

I am posting on my iPhone, meaning getting a picture on this post is an unnecessary amount of effort. So, instead, I am just going to paarrtay. Happy New Year guys.

The Weekly Economy Roundup

Welcome to December! The economy has welcomed us to this wonderful holiday season by continuing to shit all over our faces. So, I’m fighting back. I’m gonna start poopin on dollars. You are what you poop on. That’s actually a saying.. you know why? Cause I said it.. BOOOOOM. Annnnnddddd… shit on dollar picture GO!

 

 

When you gotta go, find a dollar