The Weekly Economy Roundup

Welcome to December! The economy has welcomed us to this wonderful holiday season by continuing to shit all over our faces. So, I’m fighting back. I’m gonna start poopin on dollars. You are what you poop on. That’s actually a saying.. you know why? Cause I said it.. BOOOOOM. Annnnnddddd… shit on dollar picture GO!

 

 

When you gotta go, find a dollar

No Care Day is ON THE WAY!

So guess what.. it’s almost No Care Day! Mark your calendars!!

December 12th!

Normally I’d be too lazy to write about this, but I feel it needs a least a little explanation. This special holiday started about 7 years ago when a friend of mine both randomly had a day, unplanned, where we both did not care about anything at all. We talked to each other and didn’t understand why we were so careless that day. Turns out, it must have been something in the air. In any case, we made it a holiday. So, celebrate it with us.

Here is what you do: NOTHING. Do not waste time with anything. Just sit there.. and be the laziest son of a bitch you can possibly be. When someone asks you something, or tells you to do something.. just tell them you don’t give a shit, cause it’s No Care Day.

We hope you celebrate with us!

It’s 6am and I don’t give a shit

Why you ask? Because I do not. I’m not sleepin.. fuck it. Time can kiss my ass. Me and time had an argument today and I don’t think time understands where I’m coming from. I’m taking a stand. Our conversation is illustrated below.

P.S. I have no idea what this has to do with anything.

What the crap am I doing here??

I have no idea where I am, but there’s an editor here so I guess I’ll use it.

So today I was supposed to be rich because Visa, after 50-whatever-the-shit-long-time years finally went public so I sold my house, car, boob-implants-in-a-jar and wife to buy like 17 shares of their stock.

But instead I just shit all over my screen.

This is Visa you asshats!  Go buy this shit, I want to buy my car back!  You can keep the wife, though.

Whatever.

New Facebook Privacy Controls!

In other news, I just took a nice shit and I’m feeling pretty good about it. You know, one of those shits that make you feel like you shed a few pounds and makes you feel hungry again.. even if you just ate an hour ago. Let me demonstrate.

Oh, the news article.. I really wanted to forget about that.

Britney Must Eat K-Fed’s Legal Fees

In a shocking turn of events, Britney Spears was ordered to consume and digest 375,000 dollars in legal fees. This has put her in a tough situation. Just the idea of choking down potentially hundreds of POUNDS of cotton is going to be a unimaginably rough on her digestive system. And you thought a life of fortune and fame was the perfect life. Why don’t you try eating dollar bills. They aren’t tasty.

Unnecessary Ad of the Day

Don’t you love these ads?

Ok.. seriously.. this ad makes me want to just vomit all over my monitor. Who would see this and say “OH! I think I know this one! That looks like will ferrell in lower case letters!!!!11 I NEED TO CLICK IT TO SEE IF I’M RIGHT!!” Ads like this are making mankind de-evolve. Even if you click the right answer, you still lose because you actually CLICKED on this piece of shit ad.

And, in honor of our next ad, we’ve included a second unnecessary ad of the day.

“Congratulations. You have won 2 free iPod Nanos.” First of all, you gotta love how it sounds like someone’s kid doing the voiceover. Obviously they couldn’t afford a real voice actor. Second, WHY 2???? I think 1 is pretty sufficient for just visiting a freakin webpage. Maybe I can shove the other one up my ass. God that ad sucks. Besides, where’s my damn Nanos. I’ve seen that ad like 25 times x 2 = 50 iPods. Buncha f-in LIARS.

LOL Robotic Terrorism

LOLOLOLOL

Horton Hears A Who Gives A Shit

Dr. Seuss + Movie = $$$. The end.

I just can’t muster the energy to write any more about this. I’m soooo bored. ASIAN FACE! ^___________^

Article here but I strongly recommend not even reading it because you are just wasting your time.

Big news from Paris Hilton!

She’s looking for a new BFF!!!!!111234$@&^percent#*&

Apparently she has a new show on MTV… as if anyone is going to watch it.

If I knew Paris Hilton.. I’d seriously slap her in the mouth.. just because I like slapping people in the mouth. What does BFF stand for anyway? Let’s look it up!

It must stand for Bit-Map-Based First Fit. That seems to be the only acronym that fits.